Un-learning to Love Life a Bit More

It was an atypical day in Gies Plaza.  Still bustling. But chalk-full. You could see people inching closer to better hear their conversation over all the ambient noise. More chats, more flowers. And a different type of audience: women leaders who had all graduated from my MBA program, yet I did not know a single soul. Except for administration, of course. Women in all stages of their careers, poured back into this suburban college town, to continue their professional development. Or simply to see Oprah. 

As I waited patiently in line to complete my registration for the Kellogg Global Women’s Leadership Summit, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see a classmate of mine who stuck out like a sore thumb: black, male, with locs, which were new since our time in business school. I liked it! We hugged and began the inquiry.

What brings you here?

What’s new?

How’s your start up going?

What are you working on these days?

"Writing a book on Inner Child Reparenting."

I think on the third try he understood what I was saying. And of course, being the wise man he is, he wrote it down so he could look it up later. He had never heard of it but when I explained it within the context of the book I’m writing “The Art of Un-Learning” it instantly became understandable. 

There are many hard parts about writing a book, but sharing about the actual concept is one I absolutely love. My favorite part is how much and how often it opens up conversations in much more satisfying ways, to me at least.

My classmate shared what his version of un-learning has looked like in the last few years post-graduation. And it's so wonderful to see how we each choose to reflect on our various experiences with tension in our lives. How we interpret it, how we confront it, and how we understand its relationship with how we live our lives: past, present and future. 

Most of what he and I talked about that day were what we had in common around making willful choices to leave the salaried workforce to pursue what we believe the world needs. We talked about the goalposts in career, life and family. How we identify and grapple with the distinctions between self-defined goal-posts and the ones we accept from societal norms and conditions. And how we use the insights from those reflections to be even more honest with ourselves around the ways we can design lives that honor what we truly value. 

It was a brief but earnest conversation. The kind we could use to kick-off weekly check-ins with the people we manage. Or the kind we could use at the beginning of each quarter.

What has life been prodding you to un-learn lately?

The proddings might come in different forms, but I believe we are all in a love affair with life. And life is an attention-needy and reassurance-demanding lover. Constantly, she makes her desires known. In subtle ways that still allow me to feel like I’m the one who came up with this genius new suggestion, approach or experience. But she’s cool with it. In the end, she doesn’t care HOW I become aware of or motivated by the insight that unlocks more joy. Only that I continue the earnest endeavor to.